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Why are people so mean online?

ElissaElissa Posts: 455Member
I just decided to post my profile in OK Cupid after several years of not dating. I'm not looking to be a stepmother, so I put on my profile that I am not interested in guys with kids. I've gotten several messages from guys with kids that I'm a "horrible person" and that I'm "fat anyways". Even though I know they aren't worth it either, it has really hurt my feelings. Why are people online so mean?


  • lisadlisad Posts: 2,347Member
    @Elissa I'm so sorry, the right person will find you. I think it's just too easy to be mean on some of these sites. A good friend of mine got a lot of creeps and nasty comments on cupid and switched to match, she's now married to someone she met on match and is very happy.
  • KristyKristy Posts: 2,261Member
    edited July 16
    So sorry @Elissa. Some people want kids, some people don't. It doesn't make you a bad person for knowing what type of relationship you're looking for. I would think it would be more helpful to mention that up front...but you can't please everyone. Just ignore those jerks and move on.
    Post edited by Kristy on
  • KECKEC Posts: 240Member
    edited July 16
    @jewlz, seconded! We are better than that. Let them find out the hard way that what goes around comes around. No one is gonna like them.

    And on the free sites nowadays, I have my suspicions that not all of these guys are legit. They might be just trolling because trolls be trollin'.
  • entwashianentwashian Posts: 1,758Member
  • jewlzjewlz Posts: 1,265Member
    @entwashian i didn't think about that but yes. I do feel bad for a child whose parent is online calling strangers fat. That doesn't bode well for the most understanding of environments. Lets just hope the guy was having a bad day and took it out on the wrong person. Its sad to think otherwise.
  • Miaow23Miaow23 Posts: 141Member
    There are a lot of passive aggressive people in this world who would never dare look someone in the eye and say what they are thinking. Being anonymous online brings out all that pent up frustration IMO, which is of course totally unrelated to you, but they can do online what they cannot do in real life, and you get the brunt of it. Ignore them and as others have already suggested, join a paying site, so at least some of these losers are weeded out.
  • KECKEC Posts: 240Member
    @CiCi, I think a similar phenomenon is behind road rage and aggressive driving; people express their frustration with inadequacy, and life in general, there, where they feel there are no consequences--though sadly, there are. I'm going to look for that documentary you mentioned!
  • PamPam Posts: 2,221Member
    @Elissa Ive done online dating in my 40s. I was married 13 years and didn't want kids. My profile also said I wouldn't date someone with young kids. I like to go out and travel and thats the life I chose. I used to get the same comments and also people saying maybe I'd change my mind. Not like I was going to change my mind if I didn't want kids when I was married and I'm not young anymore! People are selfish who have kids who shouldn't. Life is about choices. You date who you want to date.

    Now at 49 Ive been dating a guy with a 10 year old for almost 4 years. I love him but it has tied me down more than I wanted and it tied him down. Be true to yourself. You know what you want and you are better than them.
  • JackiecupcakeJackiecupcake Posts: 1,072Member
    @Elissa - I think the idea is that if someone cannot see you they feel they can say whatever they want and there are no repercussions because they don't know you. The great problem with the beautiful internet.

    My opinion - you don't know those people who cares what they think about you? Guys on dating sites allow themselves to be dicks because they can be. These are the same ones who would probably send you an unsolicited **** pic, which as far as I'm concerned means you are lucky to be free of them. If someone whose opinion mattered to me said something hurtful, obviously that would bother me. Those guys are less than nothing, and they don't even exist in your world. Let it roll off your shoulders.

    I've had all kinds of horrible things said to me online, and I basically just laugh. You are perfect how you are, and that's the bottom line.
  • ElissaElissa Posts: 455Member
    I want to thank everyone for their support... it has made me feel better. I think I'm going to try a paid site either Match or Elite singles. My number one requirement for a guy is to not have and not want children. I'm mostly negotiable on everything else except that.
  • Randi2Randi2 Posts: 2,239Member
    @Elissa 100% agree with what all of the smart, wonderful ladies above have said :+1:

    Don't let stupid internet "men" get you down.

    And good for you for knowing what you want and what is negotiable! Better to be upfront with it :smile:
  • GrishmaGrishma Posts: 1,608Member
    Being upfront is a good way to weed out the boys who wouldn't make the cut in the long run anyways. A lot of times we don't know what we want for something to be picture perfect, but I truly believe we always know what we absolutely don't want (I hope that makes sense). I agree with @TraciRhein @Jackiecupcake on this one, bu++hurt it is!
  • EnduringWoneEnduringWone Posts: 190Member
    There are some miserable people out there that just want to hurt people hoping they become miserable too. Don't let them! You are lovely and fun and have a great heart. Just block them and move on. People like that just narrow the playing field and bring you that much closer to the right person.
  • SJPSJP Posts: 2,215Member
    Anonymity. Those idiots would (probably) never say those things to your face, but because they are behind a screen, in their own home, they can be the horrible person they are instead of having to hide behind the veneer of politeness required in real life.

    They should just shut up & keep their miserable opinions to themselves but evidently they are not willing to do that.

    Keep going & stay true to yourself. You're doing great! :+1:
    Swap Profile:

    ***Please be aware that I don't always get notifications when tagged, so if I haven't responded please PM me.***
  • Jenny1973Jenny1973 Posts: 929Member
    @Elissa , People are mean and cruel online because they can hide behind a computer and they don't care how it makes someone feel because they are misrable little pukes themselves. Don't let a person stop you from seeking happiness! Also, nothing wrong with not wanting to take on someone's children, I have a son but I did not want to date someone with children. I am selfish that way! Also did not want to deal with ex-wife or baby mama drama. But I found a wonderful man who loves me and my son.
  • sarasara Posts: 3,699Member
    Ok, not only are they brave because they are behind an internet screen, let's face it, they know they won't get a drink in the face, slapped or punched for their rudeness. All of which things have probably happened to them in the past.

    Also, they are men which means they generally have less self-awareness and realism than women. I know I am generalizing, but I have a husband, two sons, a father, a brother, and open eyes. Not saying all men are that way. But a friend of mine who is in her early 50s went on a bunch of sites. She had a hard time finding a man under 65 who was willing to date a woman her age. One of them said he would "make an exception for her", and they met up. She asked him how that "40 or under" thing was working for him. (He was 58). He said he was having a hard time finding anyone he had anything in common with, but was committed to continuing the search. Duh.
    I would love to swap- ask me for my profile!
  • LeeleeLeelee Posts: 330Member
    Sorry that you are going through this @Elissa. There are a lot of messed up, miserable people and some of them see the Internet as the place where misery finds company. You don't deserve to be treated that way, and I hope you just try to ignore all the ignorance and hate. Please don't let it hurt your feelings or take it personally- these people do not know you so they can't have a valid opinion of you.
  • BoerboelmomBoerboelmom Posts: 913Member
    It sounds like they are mad to not have a chance with you, so instead of accepting it and moving on, they think if they belittle you then maybe you will want to gain their favor and give them a chance. Basically, they think they can bully you into changing your mind. Shake it off, bye losers!
  • LadybugLadybug Posts: 88Member
    @Elissa I think people are mean online because there are no repercussions. Don't listen to them. There is something wrong with an individual that feels the need to send nasty emails. You don't want someone like that in your life. Don't give them space. Is it possible to switch to a dating website that will match you with that criteria?

    People gave me a hard time because I wanted a man with no kids even though I had a child. My child's father was never involved. I did not want to deal with baby momma drama, ex-wife drama, or child support issues.

    I did meet my husband online. We've been married for almost ten years.

    Best of luck!

  • rambletamblerambletamble Posts: 146Member
    I think some men have super-inflated egos and when they think a woman is rejecting them before they can reject her, they hurl insults to make themselves feel better.
  • lalalalalala Posts: 1,484Member
    I think everyone has covered the most important things - you're fantastic, they're terrible people, you're better off without them, try to let those things roll off you (but it's hard, I'm a girl, I get it).

    I love that you're being open and honest. Too many people aren't, and that's no way to have a proper relationship. I hope you do find someone who likes...loves you for you!
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